"Wobbles the Mind" (wobblesthemind)
05/18/2016 at 23:34 • Filed to: Shitposting
5
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"Wobbles the Mind" (wobblesthemind)
05/18/2016 at 23:34 • Filed to: Shitposting | 5
| 9 |
Hope you are ready for some Da Vinci Code level super sleuthing! I’m about to blow Scoob’s secret Aston Martin plot out of the water! This journey is not for the faint of heart so please consult a doctor before continuing on this trip into the dastardly deeds of one of our own. You. Have. Been. WARNED!
Some time a while back, as I was perusing through Oppositelock before my afternoon masturbate, I noticed that our favorite poop was in a cone. Now at first I figured this was simply Scoob being Scoob, but then I thought to myself, “Isn’t Scoob being a little too Scoob?” So I clicked the avatar...
Without warning I was assaulted by some type of automated seizurer inducing gif!!!
“ Gawww, my tender eyes! What foul sorcery is this which plagues yon eyes?! ”
Fortunately dear readers, little did Scoob know I have watched many a 90s Japanese animated explosion fest in my youth and am immune to anything below 312 beats per minute! Thus, my suspicious nature was piqued...
I wondered to myself, “ Why poop? Why now? ” Something just didn’t smell right about this situation. Then it hit me like a 1st Saturday of the month Mustang in the morning mist!
“Scoob centers himself in the middle of Oppo and works his way from the inside, outward.... like poop !”
Hmmm...Oppo, from the center....inside out...Oppo inside out is pOop!!!
“There must be more,” I said aloud to myself. So I plunged myself head first into what I knew would be some deep sh*t! I looked into the cone and asked, “Why would Scoob be inside a cone? It’s as if the poop is a scoop...” *majestic flash of brillance*
Scoop...Scoob....Scoob, Scoop! It’s right there in front of us! And who is the most famous Scoob of all? Scooby Doo ! Haha, more like Scoob Does !! A confession, right upfront? Such sassy smugness makes my skin crawl. The monster....
But what is it that “Scoob Does?” Well think, “Scoob the Poop...famous canines...”
Of course! The 1997 “Scoop the Poop” Initiative!!
The damn dog is a trademark avoiding “Scooby Doo.” Fuck, Im good!!!
Oppo, what is something dog related and automobile related? Enter the hive of electric wasps that is my mind:
“A post from earlier today...something about the Aston Martin Vantage reviewers upset over something...frustration over slightly more effort to do a task...waste, manually picking up....manual...dog? Dogs lift their legs. Of course, dog-leg manual!!”
All of a sudden this 30 piece puzzle that only had the corner pieces set was a full on framework. Now all of the center pieces fell into place like a Jaguar arriving in the driveway after 40 minutes of run time. Here’s the scheme:
Scoob headquarters himself within Oppo, working through various inner channels to relay false information to outside sources, telling them that they need to “shitpost” all over the Aston’s dog-leg gearbox.
Why though?
Because high end performance vehicles with manual transmissions are holding value and by defaming this transmission Scoob insures that this option becomes far more rare and depreciates in the short term due to consumer disgust. He then scoops up a depreciated model at the bottom of the curve, sits on that shit for some time, and then sells that super rare variant in 2030 for $1,800,000 after every vehicle is autonomous and electric!
That’s why he’s poop! That’s why he’s a scoop! That’s why Aston is being shitposted on!!
YEAH!! Can you feel that?! Can. You. FEEL. THAT?!!!
Anyways, keep your mouths shut about this...Scoob is always watching...
Watching...
....
Always watching...
...
...
...
And waiting...
...
For you...
To...
Fuck....
Up!!!
Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap
> Wobbles the Mind
05/18/2016 at 23:41 |
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I'll have whatever this Wobbles guy is having. Sounds like fun.
Carbon Fiber Sasquatch
> Wobbles the Mind
05/19/2016 at 00:01 |
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RallyWrench
> Wobbles the Mind
05/19/2016 at 01:36 |
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I’m pretty sure you’re South Park Jeff Goldblum, dude. This is some next-level shit. Can you imagine what Scooboop will do now? Brazen midday heists of Hondabro’s sanity. Spiegel-shading levels of shitpost. Shit in ice cream cones. Scruffy hipsters in fucked up vans, talking to dogs. Scoob without end.
unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins)
> RallyWrench
05/19/2016 at 02:52 |
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Scruffy Hipsters in Fucked Up Vans, is my alternative rock band name......Seriously this meta shitpost levels. This is so meta that Scoob will lay low for a few days just to process this.
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RallyWrench
> unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins)
05/19/2016 at 11:51 |
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Not even Scoob himself knew he was doing this. It’ll take time to set in, but when it does... watch out.
scoob
> unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins)
05/23/2016 at 00:58 |
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Damn, I just processed this!
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scoob
> RallyWrench
05/23/2016 at 00:58 |
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HOT DAMN, I’M A GENIUS!
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scoob
> Wobbles the Mind
05/23/2016 at 00:59 |
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HOW DID I MISS THIS?!?! I’VE BEEN EXPOSED, DAMN YOU!
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RallyWrench
> scoob
05/23/2016 at 12:03 |
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Easy there turbo, that remains to be seen. The ball is in your court.